with a melted heart....

I write this. It has been a really interesting week. We have one more week of classes and then a week long break. I so need it. I was going to travel but I found out that as long as I am under the six month mark, I can get in and out of the country without a problem. I will be going home in June for a while (maybe a semester as student levels dramatically drop in the summer) and will return mid-summer. I tried to call the number for oxana to go and see my kids and it is not the right number. I have searched on youtube and google for some sort of lead as the where the center is. I have seen my kids in those videos being interviewed. It feels a little like part of me is missing. I really need to take the morning and go to the last location where they were (the were in the process of moving last sept.) and start asking questions. The metro stop is about an hour away and then there is the walk to the building...but it will be worth it. In other news, we did shots last friday with the doctor and they seemed to help. I stopped counting after the first one (which was lidocaine to numb the area). We did them at the base of the spine in my back and it does feel better. We are going to hit the front this Friday and hopefully....On a final, I spent the night with the boy on Sunday. We are learning to care about each other and bare our souls to each other. It is work every day because of the language barrier but it is so worth it to me. We stayed up late watching a movie in Russian and sitting next to each other on the couch. It was sweet. He was so honest and I so love him for that. It hasn't gotten physical (more than a brief kiss or an arm around me) and it probably won't for a while by our choice. He was falling asleep, so I sent him to his bed and I slept on the devan in his front room. This is so hard to explain....I feel like I am really getting to know him on such a deep level and that we have something to build on. The physicality will come later. Every day, I love him a little more. He worries that I will judge him for his past but I always tell him...we all have a past and it is what makes us who we are. Also, without our pasts, our paths probably never would have crossed and I am so thankful every day that they did. I so love this boy....:)